FAQ for Clients

If it were not an entirely impractical idea, I would rather like to hand out a leaflet or so to clients upon arrival, answering the (often too) frequently asked questions, before the necessity to ask them ten times in a row arises.

Here is what I would write on that list:

1. No, I will not change my answers to any of these questions, no matter how much extra money you offer me.
2. Yes, you really do have to use a condom.  If you can’t stay hard with a condom on, that really isn’t my problem.
3. No I don’t kiss.  Why?  Because I don’t want to.  Therefore, please refrain from trying to kiss me on the lips, much less with your tongue.  Also, please refrain from trying to suck on my skin, as I cannot allow any clients to leave marks on me, and you are no exception.
4. No, I don’t do anal, but thank you for asking rather than trying and being told to fuck off.
5. No, you may not come all over my boobs.
6. No, I do not work privately, and you may most certainly not have my private number.  I work here, I generally do not do outcalls, and never to a private address, and I do not want to see you outside of work.
7. No, I don’t want to go out with you or marry you, or have you as a friend.  You are in the “work” box, friends, partners, fuck buddies, etc are in the “personal” box.  The two don’t mix.
8. No, you may not go down on me.
9. Yes, if you insist on asking all of these questions several times in a row and not accept “no” as an answer, I have every right to be a complete bitch.  Get over it.

and lastly:

• How did a nice, beautiful young girl like me end up…  working in a place like this?  Come back another day for an answer to that!

~ by Meretrix on April 27, 2009.